Let me go to the window,
Watch there the day-shapes of dusk
And wait and know the coming
Of a little love.
~ Carl Sandburg, Excerpt from “At A Window”
I cannot help myself, on my way up the driveway to the river, the weeds, the weeds, to start to pluck them, and I do, because they have grown around a cairn my husband built some years ago. But I stop myself. I force myself to stop and take our walk as planned. The weeds may remain in their places for now. I need the peace and gentle quiet of this time in the woods. I breathe deeply, many times, and just listen to my heart amidst all these to-do’s and change. The arch is standing, secured in the bright sunshine. It will very very likely rain for this wedding day. But it is not raining this day. By the time we get to the swamp where the jewelweed sparkles, I realize why I so needed this walk and time to think and breathe. Saturday, one daughter marries. Sunday, the other moves out into her first apartment with her loved one. [The coyotes are howling their songs in the woods at the top of their lungs just now!] and I have raised them, and will let them go. And how wonderful that I have had the chance to raise these young women every day of their lives. I need a dress. I am longing for the right dress and I have so little time and inspiration. I don’t want to rush around for this dress. But, I do. And I do not find a dress after lots of looking and come home discouraged and tired. The one who is moving out is needing lots of TLC. Her life is busy and tiring right now and this move and graduate school are big for her. So, I stretch myself out of exhaustion and give her what she needs. And she knows I am distressed about a dress. So she says, come with me. And we go to her room. And she has a dress I bought her she’s only worn once - it’s a treasured dress. She says, this is perfect. It will be a little tight. But it’s the right dress. And she makes me put it on, and she fusses with the zipper. And I look in the mirror and know she is right. It’s the dress I need to wear. “But, what will you wear?” I ask. “Oh, I will have something,” she says. “You need to wear this.” And just like that she has solved my problem. I have the right dress. I will sleep better tonight. The bride-to-be has two dresses arrived from online here to pick up, and she is getting another tonight and I hope some decision for her will also be made soon. We are getting frequent calls from the bride-to-be and groom, and now they are excited – it’s real and it’s close and it’s even exciting and fun, and they keep saying thank you. I waited a long time for love, for the love of my life to come into my life and when he came it took me awhile to recognize that he had come.