#NewThisDay Writing From My Photo Stream
I worked and worked on revising my poem after waking, then walked Into the rainy drippy woods. I met a friendly frog who hopped onto the trail right in front of me as if to welcome me into the woods. Layers emerge in the poem. I took notes as I walked. The woods smell so sweet from the rosy briars in bloom. Back at home, Jane, who reads my blog religiously, wrote me this morning, as she sometimes does, and asked me if I had ever thought about why Nana wanted to wear my wedding dress. So, I decided to wonder in my journal about it. Since I’ll never know for sure, she’s not here to ask, and because my memory is fading, and I don’t remember every detail, I decided to guess.
She thought she could wear it better than I did
She wanted to play dress up in my life
She wanted to save money on a new dress for a party
She believed women in a family should share precious items
She hated to see a good dress go to waste
When she admired something she needed to possess it
She was testing me:
I had moved into a tiny universe dominated by the personalities of two women who needed to be the center of attention in every room and relationship they stepped into, and, certainly, they were used to absorbing their son/grandson’s attention
She did not want to be displaced, dislodged, knocked back in the line-up
If it was a test, I passed it.
No, she could not wear my dress.
Which is now Perri’s dress. I woke up looking at the dress, remembering today is a day of a fitting with Janee. I will bring the cleaned dress. My youngest is away, it’s just Perri and me and the dress. I woke up and realized I have never put the dress back on since my wedding day. And suddenly, I’m a little sorry about that. So, I think, well, I can try it on today. But that feels wrong to me. As if I would be trying on my daughter’s dress. And then I know, we have made the shift. It’s hers. Then, we’re with Janee, and Perri is in the dress in front of the mirror and Janee has lifted the slip from under the lace above her knees as we have planned, and then I see how this is Perri’s dress, and only Perri’s dress as I see the silhouette of her pretty bare legs under lace.