#NewThisDay Writing From My Photo Stream
Frank takes Chippie out before he leaves, and I give him his favorite peanut butter and banana lick pad so he will be happy and let me work on a poem for workshop. I have dreamed crazy, catastrophic dreams, because a big shift is coming, with a daughter getting married soon, my youngest. Which is a very positive thing, and not a catastrophe, but the opposite. It’s the psyche. The mother letting go of her youngest. A psychic shift. Of course I’m still a mother. But a mother of a married youngest daughter. It’s a role shift. And, yes, a good one. But there’s a loss here I’m trying to express and move through. The way I did when she went to kindergarten. The last one to leave for school and I felt her presence, still, all day in the house. I wanted her home and also in school. As I now want her married and also still “home.” I don’t know where to begin writing. I don’t feel like revising. So I write a new poem. I have doubts and doubts about this draft, but it’s what I have to bring to workshop, and I rarely bring such a fresh draft. And workshop admires it. It’s working. How can this be? Well, I am glad I brought it. I don’t like having to squeeze my writing time so much but this is a very busy household, and I like it that way too. I take Chippie to the river for a nice walk. In the late afternoon I work on raking and weeding the side yard where my outdoor shower is—so much clean up not yet done. I have been to the bank to straighten out account that I’m blocked from because of the scam. I spend an hour and make some progress, but it’s stressful, dealing with institutional craziness. This bird alights on a window and distracts me in a good way. Wave is home, and that’s nice too. I make him meatballs. My milkweed is thriving and glad for the night’s rain. It’s June 1, and the wedding is closing in and I realize today, now that it’s June, I am anxious, and I haven’t been anxious at all. June came too quickly! I think it’s not the planning that’s causing me anxiety. It’s the feelings, the bigness of it. The memory of my own marriage, saying goodbye to my mother as I left Massachusetts and her house for Florida. And all of that unspoken with her, but deeply felt. And now my daughter is getting married on the very same day as I did: June 27. Ah, June is here and now I must feel it all.
