#NewThisDay Writing From My Photo Stream
Early Evening at the River with Franci, Will and Chippie
Wave liked his meatball sub last night he wanted another for breakfast. And a hot chocolate. Such are the whims of five-year-olds. I was happy to provide. He is gone now until Friday. It was an amazingly warm and fresh and sunny summery day today. I had a good swim, and an excellent craft workshop with my Charles River Writers, the last until September, and I am always feeling bittersweet to have a group break. Then Israeli group, strong as usual, such a special group. Straightening out bank issues, minor ones, but hassling ones, because of the fraudulent Zelle transfer. And talks with friends, including my “oldest” best friend who lives in North Carolina, and we had time for good laughs, and my friend in San Fran whom I am going to see very soon at the wedding, and talked to Will’s mom, re wedding planning, and I don’t know how I fit all I fit into this short day. Even played pickle with Franci and Will before Frank’s doubles game on his court because they are going to a wedding this weekend. They beat us three times, we beat them once. But it was close and we had fun and Frank and I played well together. Watching Franci and Will across the court, knowing the wedding is so soon, I wanted to freeze the moment and have us just stay like this: happy, engaged. Because there is this grief which isn’t rational, I know. I know 100 percent this is the right marriage, the right couple, I love Will, he’s perfect for Franci. But there’s something about being her mom, some primary feeling I have that hurts to shift no matter how truly happy I am about this wedding. I guess it’s simple: I’ve always been her most primary person. Of course, Will already is that. But the formality of MARRIAGE, the legal and spiritual and loving bond really does cause a shift and a change. Not just for them. For me and for Frank. And the three of us have been remarkably close. Agh! I’m getting this down, getting this in front of my eyes to move through it, and reap insights. and CHANGE, let the change come and greet it in all its emotional complexity. Will, Franci and I took Chippie to the river when we were done. The river a deep green. The muskrat swam very close and past us. It was lovely and calm and I love our rituals. Pickle and river. Chippie misbehaved with me on the way back and I think I must accept that I will have very bite-weary arms in my mother-of-the-bride dress. Kindergarten, college, now marriage, these rites of passage I’ve been through with Franci. Emotional and necessary. Agh! And I’m so proud of my daughter Perri for the work she is doing to help women give birth as a doula in her own practice, Charles River Maternal Health Care.
